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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  March 18, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EDT

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[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jennifer garner. from "silicon valley," actor and comedian thomas middleditch. star of nbc's "heartbeat," melissa george. featuring the 8g band with matt cameron. [ cheers and applause ] ladies andnd gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. in that cacase, let's get to the news. today isis st. patrick's day, which commemorates the time when st. patrick drove all the drunks
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[ laughter ] today is st. patrick's day, which means tomorrow m morning, a lot of peoplple will be doing the walk of seamus. [ laughter ] a new poll has found that half of women in the u.s. say they have a very unfavorable view of of course, only one woman has the momost unfavorable view. [ laughter andnd applause ] a new study shows that donald trump's speeches are only at a seventh grade reading level, which is kind of a burn on trump, but a hugege burn on "flowers for algernon." [ laughter and apppplause ] it was reported yestererday that an op-ed writtenen by donald trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by dr. ben carson days before. people first became suspicious
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" [ laughter and applause ] mcdonalds is currently selling its bright green shahamrock shakes in honor of st. patrick's day. so, look for them at mcdonald's today and all over subway plplatforms tomorrow. a team of computer scientists have developed a new algorithm that can detect when people are posting on twitter while drunk. though us s non-scientists can usually tell, too. [ laughter and applause ] a michigan womanan was arrested this weeeek after she bit a wal-mart employee who tried to stopop her from shoplifting. luckily the other employees were experienced in dealing with wal-mart customers and quickly sucked the venom out. [ laughter ] experts are projecting the search term "leprechaun" on porn sites will rise by over 8,000% today.
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for leprechaun porn yesterday are a bunch of sick weirdos. [ laughter and applause ] recent findings suggest that maple syrup may protect brain cells against alzheimer's and other brain diseases. that way you w will be able to remember every detail of your massive heart attack.. [ lalaughter and applause ] and d finally, a doctor in the uk yesterday admitted misconduct charges after he accidently performed a vasectomy on the wrong patient. apparently the patient was pretty upset when she woke up. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience ohs ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a fantastic show for you tonight. she is the star of the new film "miracles from heaven" andnd an absolute delight. jennifer garner is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] we have a personal favorite of ours here at "late night." fromom hbo's "silicon valley," thomas middleditch. the very funny thomas middleditch. [ cheers and applause ] also, from the new nbc show, "heartbeat," melissasa george will be joining us tonight. looking forward to talking to her.
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so, i had a very exciting morning. my wife and i are exexpecting our first child very soon. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you. i will pass that along to her because she's the one who deserves your applause. we went on a hospital tour this morning, which is very exciting, and i was in a v very good mood as i wawas then walking to the office. i had a real lift in my step. and it was very crowded on the streets because a lot t of the streets were blocked off for the parade. and i was going to cross a crosswalk and there was a police officer standing there making sure cars did not turn on to that street. and i knew i shouldn't have done it. but instead of going with everybody y else, i just tried to like go right in front of the police officer because i was moving pretty fast because i'm on the go. and unfortunately -- so, as i'm coming this way, the police officer sees a car who is trying to turn this way and just goes, "no!" and just karate chops me across the chest. and caught me way ofoff guard, to the point that i made this
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[ gasps ] and new york's a very loud city, but everyone looked. [ laughter ] and then i looked at the police officer and he had no intention of apologizing to me, so then i apologized to him. i'm so sorry that your arm hit me at full speed. and it's very embarrassing to get pupunched by a cop on st. patrick's day for that. [ laughter ] for jujust not like following pedestrian rules. but, anyways, still in a great mood about having a baby. not going to let that ruin that. anyway, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] moving on, a strict new w voter id law in north carolina went into effect for the first time tuesday. the law is just the latest in a series of controversial new voting restrictions across the country that could make it harder for millions of people to participate in this year's
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"a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: first off, it's important to know that voting levevels in the u.s. are already among the lowest in the industrialized world. turn out in the 2012 presidential election, was just 53.6% compared to 87% in belgium, 86% in turkey and 82% in sweden. and in sweden, you have to put the voting booth together yourself. [ laughter and applause ] and yet, lawmakers and republican controlled legislatures across the country have been trying to make it harder, not easier to vote. since the 2010 electction, 21 states have new laws making it harder to vote. and 15 states will have them in placace for the first time in the presidential electioion. the law in north carolina is just the latest example. it requires voters to obtain one of a select few forms of id to vote. and by at least one estimate, the law could block k as many as 218,000 registered voters from going to the polls. that's a huge deal.
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north carolina b by just over 14,000 votes. 218,000 votes could literally be the difference between president hillary clinton and glorious, beloved leader donald trump. all praise to him and his magnificent hands. nonow one of the big problems with the law is how arduous it is for sosome people, especially, low income residents and people of color to o obtain photo id. for example, a 94-year-old woman in north carolina described how she had to make ten trips to the dmv, drive 200 miles and s spend more than 20 h hours to obtain one of the r required forms of voter identification. and if you want to know what ten trips to the dmv does to a person, just look k at the people who work t there. and 94-y-year-old's -- 9494-year-olds are not committing voter fraud. old people don't pull scams, they get scammed. 94 is a terrible age to start a long con. first, i'll get a democrat elected, and then, oh, i die. [ laughter ] so, why are lawmakers doing
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impersonation fraud. but, even the politicians who support these laws like republican north carolina state representative david lewis admit they don't have any evidence that voter fraud is a real problem. >> how many dodocumented verified instances of voter fraud in the last five years do you know about? >> we don't know if -- how widespread that may be or may not be. >> seth: don't prescribe a solution to a problem you're not sure exists. that's like saying we're not sure you're goining to be on "the bachelor" but you should start taking valtrex anyway. or shaving your cat just in case it has fleas. in fact, a 2014 study found that such fraud is so rare, there have been only 31 credible cases since the yeyear 2000, out of more than one billion votes cast. the overreaction to this total non-problem has been so insane, that one 86- year-old who has been voting since the eisenhower era could not obtain proper id, despite presenting her expired
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two different birth h certificates, a social security card, a medicare card and her apartment lease, because the name on her birth certificate rereba witner miller did not perfectly match the name on her current document reba m. bowser, follwing her marriage in 1950. i guess reba shohould have listened to her mother when shshe said, "if you marry that bowser boy you are going to regret it one day."" [ laughter ] and north cacarolina is not alone going out of its way to make voting more difficult for students, low income people and people of color. in alabama, the republican controlled legegislature passed a voter i.d. law making it illegal to vote in alabama without a government issued photo id. and then last yeyear, the state closed dmv offices in a number of rural counties, which c critics said c could disenfranchise alabama's poor, elderly, disabled and b black communities. alabama's sesecretary of state john merrill promised toto make up for the closures by sending mobile units to those countities to give out ids to the 250,000 eligible voters who didn't have them. but, in an intervi l last year he revealed just how many y of
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reached. >> we are sending that mobile unit to each and every county, and making sure everybody has an opportunity outside of the county seat to register to vote, and we are sending them to festivals. we're sending them to schools. we're sending them to churches. we're going on saturdays and sundays, we're sending them to wal-mart. >> let me ask you this. that mobilile unit how many ids has that mobile ununit issued this year? >> that mobile unit has only issued 29 ids this year. >> seth: we're sending them to empty lots. we're sending them to swamps. we're sending themem to abandoned mine shafts. we're sending them to radio shacks, a lolot of people at radio shshack. [ [ laughter ] when asked whyhy the registration effect effort has been so unsuccessful, merrill said, quote, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." even worse, in order to drink the e water, the horse had to get a valid drivers licecense. [ laughter ] these laws have the potential to disenfranchise m millions of
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presidential election. we should be making it more difficult for people to vote, especially old people who had to fight for ththat right in the first place. this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night. [ cheers and applause ] if you treated your tablet like greasy fast food treats your body... you'd have no way to watch cat videos. so say no to greasy, fast food... and treat your body right... with the delicious rotisserie-style chicken sandwich from subway. made with our new hand-pulled, all-white meat chicken raised without antibiotics... all on our freshly-baked bread. the subway sandwich shop. fresh is what we do.
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love these things. hilarious. [ sigh ] sorry. force of habit. as long as you are you, it's miller time. hi, i'm captain obvious. p
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hello, everybody! welcome back! please give it up for the 8g band over there! [ cheers and applaususe ] also, we've been fortunate enough all week to have the drummer frfrom not one, but two iconic rock bands. from pearl jam and soundgarden, matt camameron, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] matt also has yet another band he's part of, ten commandos. you can get their debut self-tititled album now, and be sure to catch matt out o on tour with pearl jam, beginning april 8th in ft. lauderdale.e. thank you soso much for a great week, matt. [ cheeeers and applause ] now, we here at "late night," have a team of loyal researchers, statisticicians, and pollsters, all of whom work very hard to bring you a little segmenent we like to call, "this week in numbers."" [ applause ] >> seth: let's get started. 22, the age justin bieber turned recently. 12, the age justin bieber's
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[ laughter andnd applause ] 19, the number of states donald trump has won so far. 57, the number of states he claims to have won so far. [ laughter ] 350, the percent spike in americans googling, "how can i move to canada after trump's super tuesday victory?" 350, the percent spike in canadians googling, "how can we move canada after trump's super tuesday victory?" [ laughter and applause ] 12, the number of threes steph curry nailed this weweek. also 12, the number of t tens leonardo dicaprio nailed this week. [ cheers and applause ] we're guessing. .35, the number of ounces in this container of vaseline lip balm. 14, the number of containers of vaseline lip balm needed f for steven tyler's lips. [ laughter and applause ] 777, the number of delegatates hillary clinton needs to win to in order to become the
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12,345,241, the number of times hillary has refreshed the delegate count page on [ laughter and applause e ] [ laughter ] one, the number of glasses of wine to per day needed to maintain a healthy heart. three, the number of glalasses of wine per day needed to maintain a healthy sense of contempt for your ex-boyfriend d as you scroll through his facebook page. [ applause ] 5.5, the average n number of grandchildren n a grandparent has. 5.5, the years it feels like since one of them called. [ crowd oh's ] oh, come on. she looks lilike a bummer. [ laughter ] nine. move on. nine, the number of levels of consciousness there are according to buddhism. zero, the number of levels of consciousness there are according to ben carson. [ laughter and applause ] 29 million, the number of dollars in osama bin laden's
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jihad. 30 million, the number of dollars left to his cat, mittens bin laden. [ laughter ] 22 million, the amount of money jerry seinfeld made this week selling his cars at auction. five, the number of minunutes jerry seinfeld p probably has on auctions, which might go something like this, "what's the deal with the auction paddle?" [ laughter ] "who was it that saw mimillionaires buying fine art and said, 'you what ththis means? ping-pong equipment.'' and was there reallyly a problem with just using the finger? the fingnger bid in an auction had dignity. you can consider your bid, then raise the finger!" [ laughter ] "there's no dignity with the paddle!" [ laughter ] "no one who's ever buying a picasso should have to also have a paddle! and now,w, the auctioneer just has to yell out the number on a paddle! it used to be more fun, because the auctioneer would have to describe the person! '$1 million to the man in the top hat! $2 million to the woman in the pearl earrrrings! $3 millionon to the man in the bib eating a lobster!' of course, there was one problem
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[ laughter ] "how many paintings over the years have been sold to a man who scratched d his nose or tried to get another glassss of wine? every time that happened, he thought, 'i wish i had a paddle!'" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause e ] and finally, 17. the date in march of st. patrick's day. [ cheers ] six, the percent irish you are. [ laughter ] 200, the percent irish you're dressesed as. [ laughter ] one, the number of b beers you said you'd drink on st. patricick's day. nine, the number of f beers you drank before noon. [ laughter ] two, the number of digits missing from the number that girl gave you. [ laughter ] 12, more beers. [ laughter ] one, the number of police horses you think are begging for a fight. [ laughter ] four, the number of times you asked ththat horse, "do you have a problem with me?"
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15150, the number of hours of community service you are sentenced to for punching a horse. [ laughter ] and finally, one, the number of years before you make this mistake again. this has been "this week in numbers." we'll be right bacack. [ cheers and applalause ] so bad. absolutely. honey, can you grab my hat? got it! the weather's supposed to be beautiful this weekend, too. we should get a boat? we need the big bag. i put my sunscreen on already. me too. let's go swimming! yeah. cannonball! now that's the good stuff. the sonoma collection.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our first guest tonight is a golden globe winning actress who you know from the hit show "alias" and from the film "13 going on 30" and "dallas buyer's club." her latest project, "miracles from heaven," is in theaters now. let's take a look. >> this is our fourth time here. >> thihis isn't acid reflux. her throat's s sore 'cause she's been throwing up for weeks. >> well, ma'am i'm the doctor and that's my diagnosis. so, if you'll excuse me, i have other patients i need to see. >> excuse me, this is not acid reflux. she's not lactose intolerant. there's something wrong with our little girl. >> mrs. beam, you need to calm down. >> no, you calm down. you find me another doctor. you run so more tests.
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until i know what's wrong with my daughter! >> seth: please welcome to the show, jennifer garner. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> look at you here. >> seth: it's always so nice to see you. >> so nice to see you. >> seth: so, congrats on the film. this is based on a "new york times" best-selling book. i'm sorry. >> seth: oh, did you do that? >> yeah. i did. sorry. >> seth: okay, good. i'm so glad that's not food from this morning. >> i know i don't want that. [ laughter ] >> seth: it't's eggs? oh, no. if it's eggs i it's from this morning. >> yes. it just hit the "new yorork times" best selling list yesterday. number five. >> seth: that's very exciting. >> that's really exciting. [ cheers and applalause ] >> seth: that's great. >> yeah.h. >> seth:h: and so -- and was this a book that you knew of before the film? >> no. it's actually the fastest turnover from book to movie i think in history. i could be wrong, don't quote me
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read the script. or if it was it was just at the beginning. >> seth: well that's exciting. >> yeah. >> seth: it must be nice to be involved in a property so quickly like that. >> it is. and the girl in the book is now just a couple years older so it feels all very current to the family. >> seth: that's exciting. now you of course are also, you play mother in the film, obviously. you're a mother in real life. >> i am. >> seteth: i'm about to become a father. was there any advice you got or is there any advice you wish you had your first? >> um, gosh,h, everyone gives you >> seth: there's a lot of [ laughter ] out there. >> seth: yeses. >> and as much as you think that yoyou -- okay, i'm gonna follow what this peperson says, i'm gonna follow what that person says, i'm gonna have this birth plan. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you read all the >> i did it all. but it doesn't matter. let it go. don't worry about it. you're gonna struggle, it's going to suck, just like for evereryone else. >> seth: okay, great. [ laughter ] so i then -- >> right? >> seth: based on what you told me, i could go back to my wife, who has just been piling up a
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"look, this doesn't matter." >> she can't help it. god bless her, she cannot help it. >> s seth: yeah. >> you do not say that to her. >> seth: okay, cool. >> do not say that to her. >> seth: i've pretty much stopped saying anything to her. [ laughter ] >> yes. great, yes. >> seth: yeah. >> very -- yeah, i'm so glad you mentioned ththat. i would never do that to you. >> seth: okay. >> no. treat this with caution. you know. >> seth: yes. >> be very, very careful. just know in your head, this is all gonna go to hell in a hand basket. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] ] we're getting closer because my wife has had this real blissful arc. but we are getting closer and she's becoming a bit more uncomfortable. and i forgot to fill up the humidifier the other night. and it's the closest we've come to getting a divorce. [ laughter ] >> you shouldn't have just said d that on tv. >> seth: no, she'll be happy. >> you k know what, it's dangerous. right now you should just ix-nay on ife-way ory-stays. you know what i i mean? >> seth: by the way i love that you think that she's watching this show. [ laughter and applause ] i love that you u think that this is part of her routine. >> i understand, i really understand.
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the show, "alias" that you did. and d we have two "alias" people on the show tonight, because melissa was also on. >> i know. oh, i wish melissa was rigight here with me. >> seth: i'm so sorry. >> we could do it together. >> seth: we could do it together, except i don't know if she'd make it out on time. how did that -- so you had done "felicity" with j.j. >> i had done "felicity" with j.j.j. >> seth: which is very different than "alias." >> so different. i had never done anything like "alias." i had never even imagined doing anything like "alias" at the time. i'd never been in a fight certainly, except with my sisters. [ light laughter ] and j.j. said toto me, "i've written this story with you in mind, this script, but you have to audition for it." and i said, "of course, of course. i mean, of course i'll audition for it." so it was five auditions. and each one -- each audition was about an hour long. and he would take me from crime scenes to this scene. so he said, "you're gonna need to learn how to fight." and he saiaid, "can you do that?" and i said, "yeah. yeah." [ laughter ] and it was before the internet, really. >> seth: yeah. >> i i mean, i guess it existeted, but i didn't use it. >> seth: and before the internet, no one had any reason to fight. [ laughter ]
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but t i didn't know how to look up somebody to teach me to -- i mean i just used the yellow pages. >> seth: right. >> and i went to the person with the biggest ad. i called them up and said, "can you teach me to fight?" >> seth: uh-huh. >> then i went to see him every day and he -- at one point i remember -- >> seth: what sort of, so he was like a -- >> he was a karate - -- i guess. i mean, i guess. >> seth: you were obviously a great student. [ laughter ] >> he was so hard core that at one point, he put me in the splits, you know. and he sat on me. and i said, master -- >> seth: he sat on your shoulders? >> yeah, he kinda sat on my back to force me into -- i said you're gonna pull my muscles. you're gonna -- he just was -- he said to me, "water flows down." meananing, i tell you what you're gonna do. >> seth: wow. >> it was such like a karate kid moment. >> seth: it's obvious his career only flourishehed in a time before yelp reviews. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> seth: i think once the internet started people said, "this guy is definitely, might not know fully what he's talalking about. >> right. you're right. you're right. >> seth: you were so kick ass on that shohow. >> oh, thank you.
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early career, it maybe would not have been easy to predict how kick ass you would be in "alias." so you were full marching band, yes? >> absolutely. >> seth: and this -- you don't -- >> oh. >> seth: look at that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. yes. >> seth: did you -- so you were saxophone? >> b flat alto saxophone. this is sally right here. >> seth: okay. >> this is the john adams junior high marching band. >> seth: i'm sorry, is sally the name of the saxophone? >> yes. >> seth: okay, well -- [ laughter ] there are people in the photo as well. >> i mean, sally the sexy saxophone but you can call her sally if youou want. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> okay? >> seth: sure. >> that's dave foster. >> seth: okay. >> he was a trumpet. oh, maybe that's not -- yep. nope, yep, there he is. >> seth: okay. >> so anyway, yes, this is parade formation. clearly, i'm breaking parade formation to wave to my mom or something. >> seth: yeah. >> but y you always -- >> seth: would you get punished for that if you got caught? >> yeah. >> seth: really? >> yeah. >> seth: what was band punishment?
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you walk in a parade you have to really smoothly go heel-toe? >> seth: i did not. >> did you not? because you don't want to jostle your instrument.t. >> seth: sure, sure,e, okay. >> you know what i'm saying? >> seth: obvioususly so it's real -- >> right. >> seth: yeah. heel-toe, so you want a steady >> seth: yep, okay. >> you wanna key off of the want a straight line. >> right? >> okay. and then you walk like this at rest. which i was clearly at rest. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and then when the person in front does whatever, goes like you go -- >> all at once. you cannot mess around. it's got to be -- [ laughter ] >> seteth: and i will say, when i watch marching bands, , i'm very impressed by t the precision. and this does not come easily. there's a lot of repetition. >> absolutely not. you go to band camp. >> seth: uh-huh. >> you stand in the sun and you practice marching at the same -- you know, everyone has to have the same steady level of gate. and it's not easy, seth. >> seth: i didn't say it was, jennifer. [ laughter ] and i resent that you did. and now, where is sally y the sexy saxophone now? >> well, i lost her. >> seth: okay, well. [ laughter ] >> but i don't know where she is.
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>> seth: obviously you cared >> i did, yep. [ laughter ] >> seth: you know where your yes? >> in theory. [ laughter ] being here. >> thank you. >> seth: always so great to o see you. jennifer garner, everybody. theaters now. we'll be right back with thomas middleditch. [ cheers and applause ] man, i might just chill tonight. puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... ...monkey... ...puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... mountain dew kickstart.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is an actor and comedian who stars in the golden globe-nominated series "silicon valley," which returns april 24th on hbo. you can also see him in the
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let's take a look. >> is it true that -- that you tape down your breasts? >> who told you that? matt from -- >> no, no. >> carl from the bark? >> no. >> gas station dan? >> no. >> the rotor-rooter guy? >> no. > stacy from quiznos? >> [ bleep ] no. god, stop. that's a list. no. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend, thomas middledititch. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hi, buddy. >> after all that, i just like >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] big entrance and then totally duffed the chair. >> yeah. see you. >> seth: congrats on the film. >> thank you. pregnant.
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>> so that's grereat. >> seth: thank you. >> let's hope it comes out the front hole for you. [ laughter ] i mean to say i hope a baby comes out of your penis, seth. you pervert! >> seth: now, hey, don't put it on me. you shot this movie in ohio. well in the wardrobe department. yeah. >> seth: and so you guys took a vacation where all lovers go. >> yeah. ohio. >> seth: you went to amish country. >> well, yeah. first, you know, first we took a stop at cedar point, the greatest roller coaster attraction in north america. [ cheers and applause ] and then we did -- yeah. we find ourselves having a passion for, a real zealal, for like what we call like grandmother's buttons vacation. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> you know? >> seth: explain a grandmother's buttons vavacation. >> well, we go t to amish country, we stay at like a bed and breakfast. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and like get up at 8:00 a.m. with the other people staying at the bed and breaeakfast to like have their homemade jams and butters. [ laughter ] are you going to the fair today?
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we are going to the fair. we knew we were in amish country when like we were going down the we're going down on the town. [ laughter ] we're driving into town and like a buggy, a horse and buggy was next to us and cruised past us, overtaking us downhill. like those dudes rage. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] they rock. >> they rock and roll. >> seth: they rock, rollll and rage. >> seth: but you had a good time overall? >> had a great time. it was our own personal rum springer. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> and we went there for the fourth of july. they have fireworks. >> seth: oh, they do? >> so i know that was burning in everyoyone's mind. do they have fireworks? answer is yes. >> seth: good ones? same quality? >> yeah. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's fine. >> pretty decent ones. >> seth: pretty decent, that's all right. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: i w want to ask you about this 'cause we -- i first met you in chicago. you did d one of the second city -- the famous theater, second city.
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ships. >> yeah. >> seth: you were on one of the cruise ships. >> yeah. they have a deal with norwegian cruise lines. so if you're on one of their main ships you'll see a second city show. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and it was super fun. i love doing it. but it is a bizarre life. you're like at sea -- we have short contracts for four months. >> seth: yeah. >> and most contracts are like six months, a year. and you're just at sea. and it's not terrible. i mean, you're on like a floating hotel, but you can't escape. so it is like a luxury prison. >> seth: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> and there's all these different like statuses. we had like -- kinda like, i don't know we had something called blue card status, so you're kinda like you can do anything you want except get caught, you u know, doing drugs. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> not that i run the risk of that. >> seth: blue card can't get you out of drug offenses. >> no, no. >> seth: okay. >> i did have to dump all my black tar heroin over the side of the -- [ laughter ] and then -- i love black tar heroin. [ laughter ] can't get enough black tar heroin. i think people who use blalack tar
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>> seth: yeah. they are the one drurug user that's like we don't want a slang term. >> yeah. >> seth: we just want to call it what it is. >> please sir, i prefer the term -- no, okay. this has gone too long. and yeah, you know, there's all kind of debaucherous stories. it's too -- it's too debaucherous even to allude to. >> seth: wow. >> i'm married, happily so. >> seth: gotcha. >> she's watching. >> seth: all right. so we're going to leave it at that. >> yeah. hey, man, don't talk about it. >> seth: got it. >> i like how you're like, "hey, talk aboutut this thing." i'm like, "no." >> seth: i i like that you led us to thehe most interesting point and then jumped off. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'll tatalk about it a little. and then the murderer entered, but i don't have time to get to that part. >> welell, i mean, a friend of mine, you know, memet a passenger in nassau and rented a hotel. and she was an older w woman, i think married at the time. and you know, they engaged in all kind of things. you know, including pouring the margarita on a weiner. > seth: oh wow.
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is that erotic? i've never thought, pour a margarita on it! [ laughter ] >> put a margarita on it. put a margarita on it. so, what do you want to do tonight? put a margarita -- i call it the margarita. >> seth: 'cause then you're >> put a margarita on it. okay. >> seth: yep. yep. there we go. is it fredericick? frederick? >> frederick. >> seth: frederick. >> yeah. >> seth: so talk about frederick because you shoot last season "silicon valley," and so you sort of gifted fans with this character of y yours, frederick. >> gifted or burdened them. >> seth: and how would you describe frederick? and where did you get the idea? >> okay. well, okay, i got the idea for frederick the german comedian
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there's this college radio station called kxlu, and they play super weird stuff and very random stuff. and they played a really catchy song. i was like, what the heck is it? and it's called "derer computer nr 3." >> seth: okay. computer number three. yeah. >> yeah. if you can decipher it. by france gall, she's like a french singer, but this was her german hit. and she cacame up with it in the '60s. do we have -- >> seth: yeah, we have the clip. >> so i saw -- i was like, what is this? looked it up. found the youtube, not a music video, it's her at like a songwriting competitition in front east germany citizens. >> seth: okay. you'llll see. >> seth: let's take a look. [ laughter ]
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>> that is -- >> seth: i realize people could be thinking like did they edit that? you know, for comedy. that is what is happening. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. and the director was in a booth going take one. take camera two. >> yeah. and she's s like this pretty, you know, cute girl singing this very catchy song and no movement whatsoever just like stoic listening. >> seth: and so this created frederick, your dry, german comedian. >> yeah. and now he's kind of like he's got that really wacky sense of german humor. you know. >> seth: okay. >> the germans known for their comedy. >> seth: all right. >> and he'll do -- and it's on instagram @tombini. >> seth: okay. >> well, you know. yeah. >> seth: let's show real quick an example of frederick. >> oh, yeah. >> let's play a little prank on the lighting department, shall we? let's see if they notice that one. [ laughter ] good-bye cruel world. just kidding. i would never. and also they don't work like that.
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[ laughter ] >> seth: okay, so now we get it. >> german rationalism will kick in and be like it's only a joke. >> seth: yeah at some point they have to tell you explain the bit. >> yeah. so it's just passising the time on set. it's like i'm lilike in half richard d garb. so, it's pretty easy, doing you know, observational prank, maybe some prop comedy. ththis one. here let's do this. >> seth: okay. >> i don't need to take this out. > seth: okay. >> i can just do this. oh, wow. which camera? i'll do it right to a camera. >> yeah, yeah, let's do it. it's right there. it's over. camera two.. >> okay. didn't play here in the theater, but it played directly into your that would be quite inconvenient. [ light laughter ] >> seth: that was really good. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> you always have to end with -- no smile. >> seth: what should i try it with? >> anything you want. yeah. i mean, do the coffee mug. >> seth: okay. >> any type of prop comedy.
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something other than water in it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: pretty good, right. >> that's a fame home run. buddy. >> seth: it's always great to see you. >> thanks or having me. >> seth: thomas middleditch, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the third season of "silicon valley" premieres april 24th on hbo. "the bronze" is in theaters this friday. we'll be back with melissa george. [ cheers and applause ] (burke) at farmers, we've seen almost everything, so we know how to cover almost anything. even a stag pool party. (party music) (splashing/destruction) (splashing/destruction)
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october twenty-seventh, 2014. talk to farmers. we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two. we are farmers. bum-pa-dudum, bum-bum-bum-bum mom, who is that? hello! who? these dresses are fantastic. they're old navy. thanks. old navy?! all dresses are on sale up to 40% off. oh i have to go, to old navy right now. only kraft natural cheese has a touch of philadelphia cream cheese, so whatever you make,
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[engine revving loudly] magnetic. by design. he's asleep. i've got the gelato. is that ice cream? no, it's, uh breyers gelato indulgences. it looks like ice cream. it's not. can i have some? you really wouldn't like it. it's got caramel and crunchy stuff. i like caramel and crcrunchy stuff. it's not for kids. i'm a grown-up. breyers gelato indulgences. creamy gelato, rich caramel, topped with crunchy curls it's way beyond ice cream. [ retro music ] hey, what's this? chardonnay party.
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i know she brings a sledgehammer to a thumbtack. she brings a flamethrower to a bonfire. she brings beer to a chardonnay party. a lot of metaphors, but i get it. as long as you are you, it's miller time. whaaaaat? i can pour this champagne on my phone and it still work. whaaaaat? yeah look. [phone ringing] kenny, i'm 'bout to put you in the fish tank. whaaaaat? that's crazy. [electrical cracking] your phone can't do that max. here, i have another one. (all three) whaaaaaat?! the new water-resistant
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our next guest is a golden globe-nominated actress who stars in the upcoming medical drama, "heartbeat," which premieres march 23rd on nbc.
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>> what's the ptt? >> 36. >> too low. >> tell me the donor is cleared, and get me that heart. >> right away, doctor. >> callahan, bag her. >> hey! what are you doing? >> i want to do a heterotopic c transplant. >> what? don't we all? that's not going to happen. >> her pulmonary pressures are too high. if i do an orthotopic transplant it won't be able to pump against that kind of pressure. i can do this. in the world who know how to do this operation. >> i'll be five. >> seth: please welcome to the show, melissa george. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> hi, how are you? >> seth: i'm good, welcome. >> thank you. >> seth: so, we can tell from the clip there, you play a heart surgeon. >> i do. >> seth: and you did the research. you actually went and watched a heart operation, yeses? >> i did.
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paris. and i put i was just there to watch, you know, just to have a conversation have a conversation with the doctor. and i walk in and i see a man, 70 years old, under the sheet, ready to be cut open. >> seth: now, see, i would get lost. >> oh, no, there was a specialist there, and i said, "what are you doing here?" it was all in n french, by the way. >> seth: okay. >> and she said, "i'm justst here if you fall." >> seth: oh, wow. >> "if you pass out." >> seth: because they thought t that you maybe would get queasy, whicich makes a lot of sense. >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.h. >> seth: so you stayed and watched an entire heart procedure? >> i stayed and watched the whole thing, and it was about seven, eight hours long. >> seth: oh, my god. >> you know, we cut him open. i saw the beating heart. >> seth: i feel like in america, you're not allowed to just have an actor in the room. >> oh, no -- [ laughter ] >> seth: i feel like that's a french thing. "would you like an actor in the room to watch?" [ laughter ] >> when he woke up, ththe guy was like -- they told him, you know, that i was there w watching him. crazy. i just remember watching all of that and thinking how hungry i am. >> seth: no. [ laughter ] >> it made me so hungry. >> seth: oh, no. you're hannibal lecter. [ laughter ] >> i just wanted to eat like --
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there any hamburgers here?" >> yeah, it was great. >> seth: w well, you learned a you learned more about yourself than the guy w who got the surgery did, i think. [ lalaughter ] >> y yeah. >> seth: and is it true that you had to go to a fashion show directly after you saw seven hours of surgery? >> yeah, so they're cutting him open, and bone dust is just going everywhere. it's's in my eyebrows. it's on my face. kept -- >> it is very in. [ laughter ] yourself, legally, it's a very hot look right now. [ laughter ] ] >> so, i got home and had to shower to get the bone dust out of my eyes because i had the christian dior fashion show. >> seth: o oh, my goodness. >> and i'm sitting thehere in the front row, looking at everyone's hot, underneath their shirt, going, "i know exactly what you look like inside." >> seth: "you're all the same. you could dress up as much as much as you want, all your insides look the same." >> you all look the same. >> seth: you had a very exciting visitor to the set. john kerry stopped by. how does someone like john kerry end up on the set of your show?
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ron meyer and kelly meyer. they were producing the show. and there's the man, himself. >> seth: now, i feel that almost more interesting is the fact set. [ laughter ] >> actually, this is a chimps eat monkeys. >> seth: oh, chimps eat monkeys? >> yeah, so we're not allowewed to call it a monkey. >> seth:h: really? >> no, it's a chimp. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> and he was very -- in case you needed to knknow. >> seth: right. >> so we -- he was very, very -- and i said to the trainer -- >> seth: that's right. john kerry or the monkey? >> john kerry was spitting. [ laughter ] so, the chimpanzee was spitting i said to the trainer, "what's wrong?" and the trainer jujust said, " "he's bored." >> yeah, john kerry was talking and we were all just there. started spitting? >> and the chimp was spitting, and hehe was bored. [ laughter ] >> seth: wow. i will admit, ththat's where the chimpanzee has the advantage over the human when john kerry is talking. [ laughter ] you, obviously, playaying a heart surgeon, that's a high-pressure job. you know pressure, though.
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younger days, you were a competitive roller skater? >> i was a very -- yes. i was second in the junior worlds, in the national titles as well, for artistic roller skating. [ applause ] >> seth: artistic roller skating? >> thank you. >> seth: so, it's sort of -- >> we don't go straight. we don't go straight. >> seth: okay. >> we do tricks. >> seth: so figure skating, but on roller skates? >> figure skating with costumes, and my mother would speak when all the little -- you know. >> seth: cue a song of your choice, and you u would do a routine? >> yes, but no lyrics. just, you know, music. >> seth: of course. >> and, i came second, and i was very upset about that. >> seth: oh, so you're competitive. did you find out why -- >> yeah. there's a picture of me on the podium. when i i come first, and i'm super elated, and then, there's like, when i come in second, i'm like this, you know, like -- >> seth: really, so you're a bad sport? [ laughter ] >> i'm'm sorry. i wanted to win. >> seth: what made you get out of the roller skating game? >> well, i came second, and the reason i came second was because my leotard was -- i did, like, a special trick. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and my leotard went up my front bottom -- >> seth: okay. >> and back bottom at the same time. yourself. [ laughter ] >> i d double-wedgied myself. that the judges can deduct points for? >> this woman, one of the
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double wedgie. >> seth: really? >> and i got points deducted, and i came second. >> seth: and then you just walked a away from it? >> so i walked away and became an actress. >> seth: there you go. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and now, everything's allowed. >> i can have wedgies. >> seth: you can have anything you want. >> i can have any wedgie i want. >> seth: well, congratulations on the show. i'm looking forward to the premiere. >> thank you. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. everybody! "heartbeat" premieres marcrch 23rd on nbc. we'll be right back!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to jennifer garner, thomas middledich. melissa george, everybody. matt c cameron, thank you so much. and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] >> carson: hey, folks. carson daly here.


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